Symptom #4 – Self-Diagnosis to Make and Manipulate People

Dipshits are never experts of only one topic. Every real dipshit has mastered at least two subjects; their field of professional expertise and a medical or psychological disorder to self-diagnose themselves with. Why would they do this? Unique people are cool. People with disorders are unique. So by this logic, people with disorders are inherently cooler than people without disorders. A few names and a few minutes on wikipedia, and anyone so inclined can find a plethora of disorders to diagnose themselves with. Try it, I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Interaction with this sort of dipshit requires an understanding. In almost every one of these cases, the subject is self-diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, and are the only valid case of ADD in the world. “Doctors love to over-diagnose ADD. But I’m a real case. I don’t like that my disorder is misrepresented in the media.” Keep that phrase in mind when speaking with them, because you’ll hear it almost religiously. “Oh, I’m sorry I screamed at you and threatened you. I’m not taking my medication today. People these days are over-medicated. It’s a shame, because my problems are legitimate.” That’s another winner. It’s a great thing though for them, because if they find an enabler, they can do and say whatever they want to them, so long as they follow it up with a statement about their medication. For a more culturally-diverse version of this phenomena, see an Italian who follows up terrible slander with, “I’m just busting your balls.” It’s the same thing.

Might you be dealing with a particularly skilled case of Dipshittery™? There’s a very simple method for determination. Have they diagnosed you? If the answer is yes, they are particularly problematic. If not, you can let people pity them, so long as it doesn’t interfere with your life. Skilled members also follow up their self-diagnoses with a few trips to medical professionals, and will continue until one tells them either what they want, or “clarifies just what they suffer from.” Talk to ten psychologists, at least one will give you medication. It’s a numbers game that the True Dipshit is a master of. Then, when you call them a fake, they have subjective and profiteering Medical Science to back up their claims.

How do you deal with this breed of dipshit? Find something in their area of expertise that fits them sufficiently to beat them at their own game. A good example might be, “Oh? I’m a sociopath? That’s great. You’re histrionic. Here are the symptoms, see how wonderfully they fit?” Histrionic is a great one, because it fits almost every case of this dipshit. They can’t say you’re doing anything bad to them, because ultimately you’re making them cooler and more unique.

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