Symptom #6 – Using Buzz-Phrases to Justify Politics

Everyone has their own views. Everyone has priorities, everyone has sentiments that they should be proud of. Hiding from your views devalues them. So why would a person come up with a phrase to cover up their real feelings? Well, these people are of a particular breed. You see, if a person finds out the truth about them, they’re one step closer to realizing that the person is in fact a dipshit. And that brings us to today’s Symptom of a Dipshit: Using Buzz-Phrases to Justify Politics.

For today’s lesson, I’m going to focus on a particular phrase that I hear all-too-much. “I’m socially liberal but fiscally conservative. That’s why I’m voting for the Republican candidate.” I, as a person, am Liberal. Particularly Socialist in viewpoints. But I don’t particularly care what people want to believe, so long as they stand by what they believe in. Needless to say, I hear this one all the time. Let me dissect it for you:

I’m socially liberal.

This, effectively means, “I care about people, and their welfare. It’s a priority of mine to see society caring for its people.” Follow so far?

I’m fiscally conservative.

This means, “I think I should be entitled to as much of my money as possible. It shouldn’t be spent on adding more government to what we already have, in fact I believe we should get rid of a number of programs we currently have.” Effective statement by itself.

This is why I support the Republican candidate.

This statement stands for itself, and doesn’t need explanation. Right now in our state of things, a Republican candidate is typically lauded for socially and fiscally conservative platform.

Take the three statements, and put them together. “I care about people, and think we should do more for them. I also believe though, that my money shouldn’t be used to help people, that I should be able to keep it for myself. This is why I’m voting for the guy who says he’ll help me keep my money for myself.”

A better way to say this is, “I care about money more than people.” And that’s a valid viewpoint. If your priority is money over people, admit it. Own it. But don’t play pretend in order to build a false sense of camaraderie with liberals.

This statement is a perfect example of this breed of dipshit. But you’ll find them in reverse. “I’m socially conservative, but financially liberal, this is why I’m voting Democrat,” but it’s a little rarer. There are dozens of these phrases that become part of Dipshit Vernacular. Let me assist you with your troubles with said Dipshits:

1) Listen to them. Nod a lot. Maybe mention a pundit that supports the viewpoint they seem to espouse.

2) If they agree with you on that pundit’s godhead, proceed. Elsewise, reassess your confrontation and try another example or two.

3) Once they agree, ask them to repeat their statement and listen to it.

4) When they don’t get what they’re saying, explain it to them.

5) Prepare to be flamed on their Livejournal, but never presented with a false pretense by that Dipshit again.

Of course, another option is to get the banner from Symptom #5 on a t-shirt. When you speak with the Dipshit in question, they will laughingly ask why your shirt is calling them a Dipshit. Explain to them, “Because you are.” That’ll help mollify them and resolve the situation quickly.


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