Posts Tagged 'Awesomesauce'

Symptom #8 – Religiously Zealous Hypocrites

I can’t really live by a book. It’s not my thing. I’d prefer to live by a movie, and if that movie tells me to save princesses, and instead I shoot them, I’ve officially become a hypocrite. If you choose to live by a book, but you live contrary to it when it’s convenient, you’ve become a hypocrite.

Not just a hypocrite, you’ve become A Dipshit.

The better solution in this case, dipshit, would be to not take up a banner, and just believe what you will. You want to do unto others as you want to do unto them? That’s fine. Don’t call it Christianity. You want to eat pork? That’s cool. Don’t call it Judaism. You want to sleep with one woman and own absolutely no guns? Awesomesauce. Don’t call it Mormonism. You want to breathe while chewing gum? I encourage it. Don’t call it Scientology. Pretty simple to understand? You would think that after thousands of years of religion gracing our species, we might have figured it out.

These dipshits are usually even more “devout,” than their scripture-adhering brethren. My only assumption is that they’re being vocal and forceful to distract from the fact that they’re not practicing what they preach. Everyone has to realize that Marilyn Manson really doesn’t care about eating puppies and pimping out his mother; he’s actually a wuss behind all that makeup. The emperor is actually not wearing clothes, people. Pat Robertson? Stark-raving nude. Tom Cruise? Butt-fucking naked. Make certain they know this. Call the 700 Club. Nobody’s telling him, so Robertson is unaware of his nudity. Any time you are prayed for in a disdainful tone by a Christian, don’t let said Christian go uninformed. Tell them. They deserve to know that they’re naked.

In many parts of the world, this manner of Dipshittery is becoming less and less a plague, but no matter how much progress is made, the world is still plagued heavily. We might not have the Crusades in name, but we still have ridiculous Crusades in the names of Gods who do not condone such things. We still have an enormous population of people in the world who will simply do as they are told, without questioning the authority of man over the authority of their deity.

What are we to do about this threat?  There’s not a lot you can do on the grand scale.  The religiously hypocritical are in charge of more guns in the world than any group of people combined.  On the smaller scale, you need to stand up.  Learn a little of their scripture, the internet is wonderful for the necessary sound bites you need.  Counter Robertson with a little quotation of your own.  This will make them defend themselves off-guard.  Put them off-guard enough, and they’ll realize that you’re on to them.  They’ll either lash out, or they’ll shut up.  They lash out, and you’re good to go.  They spend a night in jail, and you can sue for damages.  The religiously hypocritical believe in tax breaks and stepping on the working class, so you’re set to make bank.  If they shut up, you’ve just won a small victory in the War Against Dipshittery.  So, we win a battle of the war, or you get cash prizes.  Really, it’s a win-win situation.

I’m now taking requests for new Symptoms, and new guides to dealing with Dipshittery.  I’ll even take requests for new Dipshit t-shirts and the like. is the address, make it happen people.


Profiling: A Calendar

July 2018
« Nov