Posts Tagged 'Hippies'

Symptom #9 – Environmentalism as a Conversational Piece

Have you ever bought something specifically because the brand, breed, or specific type of item has a positive effect on the environment? Good for you. Has that ever become a conversation piece, akin to, “Yes… In this house, we only buy Fab, because Fab doesn’t use any CFCs that harm the ozone. We just can’t see harming the ozone in this household. Would you like another slice of my fancy cheese?” If it has, chances are that you’re a Dipshit.

Anyone who reads can probably tell you of a number of bullshit scams out there relating to environmentally-friendly products. There are a great number of companies that use the environment to sell things, yes, but this isn’t what we’re talking about. We’re talking about those self-important assholes who do it for a conversation piece, for a bit of moral authority over their peers. Green is fine, dipshit is not.  Were you aware that in Ireland, the government charges a tax on plastic grocery bags?  If you need details, ask our dipshit when you see them with a canvas grocery bag “why is America so regressive?”

They’ll tell you all about it.  Were you aware that driving a Prius single-handedly gives you the authority to judge the rest of the world?  Don’t remind them of the energy costs associated with researching these hybrids.  Definitely don’t remind them that public transportation is cheaper.  Also neglect to mention that mail-ordering your groceries is even better on the environment.  You try to one-up a Dipshit, prepare for a fight.  Keep in mind that an environmentally-friendly Dipshit really only knows one statistic about any given thing they support, and know absolutely nothing about other endeavors.  But that won’t stop them from throwing that one statistic in your face.  Because with a number, they become credible.

Another very common crusade is the “organic” food movement.  A few days ago, I saw, and this is not an exaggeration, “organic water.”  I died a little inside.  That little single-liter bottle was two dollars.  There’s a part of me that wishes to support this company.  A Dipshit and his money is soon parted; and they’re profiting from it.  Can we really fault the company?  Frankly, I feel like a complete moron for not having capitalized on this earlier.

How to deal with this dipshit?  If you’re prepared, you can blow them out of the water.  It’s not hard to find numbers contrary to theirs.  If you’re not prepared, find the logical hole in their one crusade.  It’s usually not hard.  Focus on the fact that what they’re doing is very minor.  Consider the hybrid car owner.  If they spent the 10,000$ less and purchased a Hyundai, that 10,000$ could do so very much more for the environment.  10,000$ worth of trees will eliminate more emissions pollution in a year than that car will over the life of its existence, and it’ll keep doing that for a century.  Request that they just admit the reason for their purchase.  It’s okay people, just tell us it’s a status symbol.  We understand.  We just want you to tell the truth.