Posts Tagged 'mission statements'

Symptom #10 – Using Bureaucracy’s Inconsistency for Fun and Profit

Almost every American belongs to at least one bureaucratic organization. Work, school, hobby, everything is surrounded with bureaucracy. Bureaucracy often has noble purpose, to defend the rights and interests of those individuals involved. However, when bogged down with inconsistency, vagueness, or corruption become terrible examples of their initial mission statements.

Any time an organization resolves issues with human judgment instead of very rigid and clear rules, there is opportunity for corruption. WE KNOW THIS. If you’re a fucking dipshit however, you know this and think you’re the only one that notices it. You’re not. In fact, you’re dumber still for assuming otherwise. Stop immediately, you’re hurting us all with your continued douchebaggery.

What’s the golden rule? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?” Let me Edit for Dipshit Effectâ„¢. “Do unto others whatever you expect immunity from.” The true Dipshit will do a great many things to others through bureaucracy, and become completely flabbergasted when things come back at them. They have a friend who happens to be your supervisor? Expect to get written up for offenses that are hyperbolic at best, complete lies at worse. Go to school with a dipshit who knows faculty? You’ll find out just how much your papers suck, when every single one starts bombing for no reason. Play Monopoly with the dipshit who is friends with the banker? Expect a five dollar payoff when someone lands on your Park Place. Bring it up, and you’ll be laughed at or punished more. Show them in writing that Park Place nets you 35$, and watch them argue. They will argue the point, no matter how clearly you present the rules. They might even start the argument with, “I demand you show me where it says you get 35$!” Then when you show them, they’ll get angry for your showing them.

How do you deal with this dipshit? I presume that avoiding them is not an option, if they are truly problematic. Urinating on them is not an option*. Can you beat them at their own game? If so, keep in mind that you’re treading Dipshit territory. When in Rome, do as the Romans. But when you’re in Dipshittown, do NOT do as the Dipshits, lest you be judged. This time, I’m opening the field to contributors. How would YOU deal with the Dipshit who is using bullshit bureaucracy against you?

*Sometimes I wonder why in America, pissing on another person can get you charged with Assault With A Deadly Weapon. Then I remember that Dipshits make the laws, and lawmakers are known for protecting their own.

You can’t piss on them, but you can make certain they know that they are fucking idiots, and are in no way tolerated.


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