Posts Tagged 'Parody'

Symptom #12 – Dipshittery as a Sexually-Transmitted Disease

It’s very unfortunate, but if you fuck a dipshit unprotected, you’re liable to become a dipshit.  In the world of dipshittery, abstinence is the only true protection.  Unfortunately, this is often overlooked because of an overwhelming desire to nab a mate.

This case is tragic.  Otherwise intelligent people can be convinced to disbelieve in logic and science as easily as a child being convinced to get into a stranger’s car for candy.  However, it’s often cured at the point where regular sexual coupling ends.  You can usually deal with this dipshit in the same method with which you deal with the dipshit who gave them the disease.  Their methodology is parrotted, which makes your job so much easier.

Diagnosing the Dipshit In Question:

Look at rational thought for your diagnosis.  If an otherwise rational person doesn’t look at logic, there’s clearly an infection.  Be careful, because this could result in a pandemic if left unchecked.  Let me present a hypothetical.

Dipshit A tells Rational Person B: “I DID THIS THING TO BOB! OMGBRAGZ!!!”

Dipshit A tells Rational Person C: “I DID THIS THING TO BOB!  I IS MASTER MANIPULATORZ!!!”

Dipshit A tells Rational Person D: “I DID THIS THING TO BOB!  HE IS FUXXORED!”

Rational People B, C, and D tell Bob what has been said, offering nearly irrefutable evidence to that effect.  One of which does so in a professional capacity.  Bob realizes, “Oh shit…  Dipshit A did this thing.  That’s terrible!”

Dipshit A tells Prospective Dipshit A: “I TOTALLY DIDN’T DO THAT THING!  BOB IS STUPID AND ALL THE PEOPLE I TOLD ARE LYING!”

If Prospective Dipshit A says: “You know…  All those people can’t be lying.  In fact, they all have pretty good track records for honesty.  Why would they all coincidentally change all of a sudden?” Then you have someone who is yet to become infected.

If Prospective Dipshit A says: “YOU TOTALLY DIDN’T DO THAT THING!  BOB IS STUPID AND ALL THE PEOPLE HE TOLD ARE LYING!”  Then you have an infestation.

Often, this phenomenon will occur with admitted dipshits and their victims.  Red flags include but are not limited to

1) Claiming to be master manipulators.

2) Admitting to be liars in some cases, but swearing complete lifelong honesty other times.

3) Childish pranks.

4) Stories that change depending on audience, often irrefutably contradicting.

Usually, this happens in a male victimizing female situation, but is hardly limited in any way.  Many men are contracted into dipshittery.  Most just develop their own forms.

Guide to Dealing With The Infected

Dealing with the infected depends on how much you wish to repair, and how much you wish to ignore.  Ignoring these people is often hard.  Repairing is often harder.  Usually, repair efforts will be construed as relationship sabotage.  In fact, they usually are.  So you have to consider the total value.  Did you spend months helping the person only to be turned on for no reason?  Did you just hope to help an almost stranger?  There will always be high risk if you intend to help.  Sometimes, it’s equally valuable simply writing them off.

If you choose to help, look to the Typhoid Mary of the Dipshittery.  If you know the Mary well, they often have implicated themselves in a number of ways.  Sometimes, it’s even illegal in nature.  Conveniently, the proverbial Typhoid examples are often loud-mouthed braggarts and will brag about their exploits to anyone who will listen.  If you don’t know the Typhoid well, it’s often simple to take advantage of their nature and simply have an unrelated party talk them up.  Give it time, they’ll brag about something unethical or illegal.

If they are being directly Dipshitty towards you, you have to pinpoint the variety of Dipshit the Typhoid is, and behave accordingly.

My advice?  Write them off.  No matter how much you’ve done for them altruistically or how much trust you’ve invested in them, they’re liable to either not welcome the truth, or they’re likely to come around once they’re no longer being regularly injected with the Dipshit™.